


such selfish prayers (can't get enough)

by emptyswimmingpools



Series: questions [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Bite-Sized Fic, Drabble, Insecurity, Introspection, M/M, POV Ronan, POV Second Person, Questions, allusions to sex, prose, ronan quietly freaking out for 400+ words
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 11:12:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9382028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptyswimmingpools/pseuds/emptyswimmingpools
Summary: You kiss him gently and pray he understands you're saying, "Stay." Does he know you breathe his love like oxygen?or: questions from ronan lynch





	

What do you do when you would give him all the stars in a heartbeat, but he wouldn't take it from you?

 

You're cold - you've been that way for what seems like a lifetime - but you feel a fire in your throat when you speak to him; do your words burn his skin?

 

You can feel how much you need him, need to hold him close to you like it's its own separate being that lives and breathes and _hurts_. You kiss him gently and pray he understands you're saying, "Stay." Does he know you breathe his love like oxygen?

 

The feel of his pulse underneath your palms pressed on his chest is - it's a reminder he's _alive_. You taste his soul on his tongue and kiss it like it's holy, like _he_ 's holy: a God you show worship to when you're on your knees and everything is loud, like the intimacy amplifies the world. You ask him, "Is this OK?"

 

You know he's too good at forgiving you, even when your fists are bruised with anger and the bedsheets are stained with blood and his eyes are filled with tears. You wonder if it will stop; he tells you he doesn't know, but he'll stay, he swears, but do you deserve that?

 

How do you hear over the static screaming of your mind telling you you're not good enough for him, you're only going to hurt him, you're capable of snapping every single bone in his fucking body?

 

You silently beg for him to strike you down with his own version of lightening, make your blood boil and your veins shake with every quickening beat of your heart. Is he aware he overwhelms you, fills you from head to toe with this inexplicable feeling?

 

Although your smile is sharp, you bare your soul when you smile at him, like you're offering him a gift. It's the only present he accepts without hesitation. You forget yourself in his arms - you feel more than just flesh and bone and blood. Somehow, you haven't wanted to tear yourself into fragments for, what - three, four months? Does that count as a while?

 

If you asked for him forever, would that be selfish?

 

You don't remember how it feels to not be happy when you're with him, how your heartbeat quickens and your palm itches to touch him. Is it possible to drown in him, though your lungs are thriving?

**Author's Note:**

> First work of 2017 and its length is disgustingly short; good job, Lee.
> 
> This is quite different in terms of style compared to my other fics. Is it OK? I can't decide if I dig it.
> 
> Title from "[Bedroom Hymns](https://m.soundcloud.com/florence-the-machine/bedroom-hymns)" by Florence + the Machine.
> 
> I'm on [Tumblr](http://albertorosedne.tumblr.com). Come say hi! Comments are appreciated x


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